If you had asked me 12 years ago, if I would ever marry, I’d have said, “hell no!” But now look, I’ve been married 8 1/2 years to the handsome and wonderful man sitting and writing next to me. And if you’d asked me 12 years ago if I’d ever have children, I’d have said, “hell fucking NO!”  Being too self absorbed and completely enthralled in a stressful career, there wasn’t room for Motherhood.  And truthfully, I didn’t think I’d be much of one anyway.

And here I sit, writing and smiling because I now have two beautiful, smart, loving and charming little girls asleep upstairs.  I have a wonderful life and house, in the burbs of all places.  And I’m happy.  Really happy.

But it’s not all roses. In fact, it’s not even carnations 50% of the time. Oh, there are plenty of rose moments [they keep you going], but a lot of the day is filled with dandelions and tulips.  Now hang on to your panties, because I’m not complaining.  I know I have it good.  But, in keeping with the honest nature of this blog and my life, I want to share with you the true ups [roses] and downs [dandelions] of being a Mom.  At least for me.

Being a Mom is roses, because:

1. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that compares to the first wiggle, the first twinge of your unborn baby in your belly. It’s the thing that I never thought about before becoming pregnant. Never much cared when other people talked about it. Never ran around wanting to “feel” other women’s bellies, etc. But when I first felt that twinge in my own belly, I knew it was real. I knew I was growing a baby in there and somehow my heart grew every time my belly did. So number one for me, being a Mom made my heart bigger!

2. Laughter, laughter, laughter! I know I laughed before, but never like I do now. My laughter has so much more meaning. It’s a prideful laughter. If that makes sense. Because the funny’s are honest. You see, kids don’t rehearse much, so what you see is what you get. Nothing is better than good, honest, laughter.

3. Watching my girls grow to be loving, smart and strong young ladies is wonderful! I love knowing that all the hugs, kisses, library visits, museums, games of soccer, long talks at bedtime and chats while on our walks, all play a huge part in the upbringing of two human beings. It’s probably the most scary part of being a Mom, but the most rewarding. I know, I know…I have a lot more “upbringing” to go, but it’s still fabulous. I feel so validated [most of the time].

Being a Mom is dandelions, because:

1. I could say the standard, “I never get to sleep in anymore.” But really, I have a great hubby [and baby daddy] and I do get to sleep in and he even makes my coffee in the morning. So I won’t list this. But what I will list as my number 1, I have no more “me” time. I mean, I’ve never been on vacation without my kids, EVER! No business trips, no weekenders, no nothing [I get to shit alone, but that don't count]. So, no matter what, my Mom radar is on, ALL THE FRIGGIN’ TIME! So, yeah, I miss the days when I was just “Renae” and not “Mom”.

2. I love being a “Mom”, but hate being a “Mother”. See, Mothers are the hard asses. Mothers lay down the law. Mothers make tears and little children do things they don’t want to do [and grown men too]. Plus, being a boss, all day, every day, really kinda sucks! Sometimes I wish I was just a Product Manager again. Even though it’s not 9-5, at least I’d get stock options.

3. I like to listen to my music loud! Real loud [and yes, I'm half deaf in my left ear]. But since having kids, I resort to weekend errands to Walmart, ALONE.  I run errands, just so I can blare my music as loud as I want to. And I can listen to Sublime and any other “R” rated band I want to. So for 5 miles, roundtrip, I get to be a radio rebel and it feels good. But even as a music blaring rebel, I usually turn down the radio as I round the corner to our house and definitely before I push the garage door opener.  And as the garage door slowly slides up and the radio goes back to low, I climb out of the car and smile.  Even though my 5 miles of rebellion are over, I’m happy to be home.

~ Renae [Mom]