Author, Kate Granju was the first person I ever heard use the term, “bubble wrapped” child.  I’m sure there are others, but she was the first to really get my attention with it.  After I laughed my ass off, I started thinking.  She’s right.  Kids today are bubble wrapped.  They are over protected, over indulged, over parented.  They are dependent, egotistical and even worse, entitled.  Yup, I said it.  I called a lot of people out, including myself and my kids.  I’d like to think I only need one roll of bubble wrap though, not 50.  But is that not enough or still too much?  Hmmmm…

See, I think the 1950’s parents had a lot in common with those of us today.  They were more concerned with appearances then anything.  Remember Donna Read and June Cleaver?  Perfect house, perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect everything. Didn’t matter what Wally or Beaver did, really.  Oh, the perfect Mom of the 50’s acted like she cared, but it was always the Daddy who took care of the difficult things [just wait until your Dad gets home].  The discipline, the talking to, the problems [especially, the spankings].  All taken care of by Dad.  June and Donna just made sure the house looked good.  They kept up appearances.  They smoked like trains and were skinny little rails.  Drank martinis all day and smiled all night [that part I like, though].  But that was their job, not parenting.

Then came the next generation.  The parents of the 70’s.  Our parents.  Boy, talk about “free range”.   It was more like, be home before dark, call me when you get home from school, just look both ways before crossing the street and run like hell.  Oh, and can you run down the corner store.  Here’s a note for my cigarette’s, bring me back the change. Nice!

Sounds bad now, doesn’t it?  What neglect!  We could’ve been killed, molested, kidnapped.  What were our parent’s thinking?  We didn’t have a cell phone in case of an emergency.  And our watch was either the street lights coming on or a very loud scream from your Mom yelling out the front door.  And if you were late, Mom smacked you around or pinched your ear as you walked in the door.  I was way more afraid of my Mom than my Dad.  I think most of us were.

Then our generation came along.  Oh, sure, times had changed.  Yes, the media started reporting all the bad things that could happen to a child and scared the hell out of everyone, but it was more than that.  Kidnapping, murder, rape and general child delinquency were hot issues across the nation, but so were designer jeans, $200 sneakers, ballet class for 18 month olds and the best yet, cell phones for Kindergartners.

In addition to commercialism, the late 90’s and 2000’s became the era of competition.  Everyone wanted to be the best.  Have the best car, own the best house, send their kid to the best school.  The “Yuppy” mentality was abound and a new breed of parent was formed.  After we wanted it all for ourselves, we decided we wanted even more for our kids.  Like the 50’s parents, it’s all about appearances.  Our kids look good, we look good.  If our kid is really smart, then we’re doing our job.  If our kid struggles, we failed.  So what do we do?  We push and we push our kids to NEVER fail.  Talk about pressure!

So here we are, today, with parents that want everything for their kids.  I admit, even I do.  I want for them, all the things I didnt’ have and all the accomplishments I didn’t complete.  But where do we draw the line?  When are our kids individuals and not puppets?  It’s been wearing on my mind for a few years now.  I’ve done small things like limit PJ to 2 activities at a time and enforce that she sell or donate old toys before she gets new ones.  We don’t really limit TV, but we limit TV with commercials.  So no Disney channel.  If the kids want to watch a movie, they can put in a DVD, use Hulu or On Demand [therefore, no commercials, no brainwashing...at least not as much or as bad as Disney channel].

Only time will tell if any of these things matter in shaping a less entitled child.  We have noticed that PJ is less afraid of making mistakes this year, but she’s still very much a perfectionist.  The balance is better than preK or Kinder though.  The more I keep my mouth shut, the better it is for my kids.  Just smile and hug.  Smile and hug.

But it even goes beyond wanting the best for your child or even wanting your child to be the BEST.  What I’ve noticed among friends, family, acquaintances, etc., is that parents today are so concerned with control [did I say control, I meant safety] and organization, they don’t even let their kids live.  Every playdate is scheduled, every activity is scheduled, kids can’t go to the park alone [so that's scheduled], they can’t walk to school alone [too dangerous], can’t play in the front yard [good God, no].  So what can they do?  When do they get to be free?  When do they get to make a mistake, so they come home late and get a pinched ear? Don’t they need that?

I started wondering about all this about 3 years ago.  I was so sick and tired of driving to playdates and activities and our neighborhood was full of helicopter parents.  Not to mention,  all the neighborhood kids had at least 3 layers of bubble wrap each.  So, we sold our city house, packed up and headed to the burbs with fingers crossed that it would be better.

We’ve gotten lucky so far and found a neighborhood where parents do allow their kids to play at friend’s houses and, God forbid, in the front yard.  All the girls ride bikes together, play hide and seek, tease the boys in the neighborhood and generally have a great time.  Oh, and get this.  PJ learned to tell time on a regular watch at age 6.  Why?  Because if she was late, it was her fault, not her friend’s Mothers.  So, tell time or be late.  Get my drift?  BTW…what’s up with kids not knowing how to tell time these days?  Anyway…

Next year, we’ll be in a new school, about 4 blocks from home and guess what, we’ll walk. Yeah, I said “we’ll”.  So I will get up, dress the baby [who will be 1 1/2 then] and walk PJ to school.  Secretly, I think a group of kids from the neighborhood should be able to walk alone [together] at this age [2nd grade].  Am I wrong?  I mean, like a little caravan.  Not alone or anything.

But even as “free range” as some of the neighborhood parenting is, I wouldn’t even bring up the suggestion.   I don’t want to get blackballed and put on the “neglectful” parent list.  At least not yet.  It might be too late already, though.  We brought beer to the neighorhood Easter Egg hunt.  Doesn’t everyone need a beer when 40 screaming kids fight for Easter Eggs?

Photo: Stephen Baccon

1. Eric Lee Says:
   June 14th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

   I found your site on Google and read a few of your other entires. Nice Stuff. I’m looking forward to reading more from you.

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