Parenting is Easy!

To my Dad, also known as Papi, Grandpa, Hon, Amiel and Famous Amos [in the local bars].  You’re that guy that most people like, some people hate and everyone knows.   You’ve played in a band since, like FOREVER,  and have practiced in the basement since I can remember.  I mean, you’re pretty much “one” with your guitar and without music, I don’t think you could live.

You’ve been around 56 years, so I think you’re doin’ alright.  I’m pretty positive you’ll be around for many more.  You better be.  We need you.  Mom needs you, even if she acts like she don’t.  Good grief, you’ve been together since you were like, what?  13?  OK, maybe you weren’t together, but I know you were “crushing”, “dating”, “going steady”, whatever you wanna call it.  That was like, 43 years ago and you’re still together?  Right on!

Even if you made Mom frown sometimes, you made me smile a lot.  I might be a “forever optimist” and typically only choose to remember good stuff, but that’s how it was [for me, anyway].  You made crazy contraptions to keep us engaged [sling shots and clothes line-zip lines].  You took us sleigh riding and taught us how to ride motorcycles [and tote goats].  You were our creative and carefree side.

Was there more you could have done as a father, as a husband?  Hell, I guess so.  Shit, can’t we all?  But I wouldn’t second guess a damn thing.  I’m just thankful and proud that both my Mom AND my Dad, toughed out the bad times, continued to work hard to make a life together, kept the family as a unit, remained committed and stayed married.  You and Mom are my inspiration!

I know the last 7 years have been tough.  When Mom had her stroke, she was only 48.  She was young and full of life and, she was the family matriarch.  She paid the bills, did the taxes, took care of the house.  Then, bam!  Everything came to a halt. But, Dad, you stepped up.  You had to.  Between you and Chris, you took care of Mom.  Ed and myself helped as much as we could, but you really pulled through for Mom.  Now that’s what I call “rocking chair” love.

Tomorrow is Father’s day and I’m not sure if you will have band practice.  I doubt it.  Rick and Denny will probably spend the day with their families and you will probably pace and fiddle, since Mom is in NY.  But I know where you’ll will be next Sunday.  Just like clock work.  In the basement, with the band, playing your guitar, singing into the mic and being my Dad. 

Here we are, today.  I’m a Mom now.  And you, well you aren’t just my Dad or my Papi anymore.  You’re “Grandpa” or “Gampa” now.  And a great one at that!  My kids adore you.  You engage them with all the same silly “made up” toys you did when we were kids.  Oh, and I have you to thank for PJ’s sincere and complete interest in cartoons.  Not today’s crap, but old skool stuff, like Betty Boop and Popeye.  Your cookie cheers over some Betty Boop, are classic.  Thanks Grandpa!

As far as Father’s go, I’m happy you were mine.  I wouldn’t change  my childhood for nothin’.  And I’m even more happy that my kids know a Grandpa that loves them, enjoys them and shows them that unconditional love that all children need.

Happy Father’s day, Papi!

~ Your daughter, Renae

To my Dad, Ken Simeon [yes I am a junior]. You were born in 1947. You were child # 7 of 8 and was the biggest kid to be born amongst his siblings @ 13 lbs. Throughout your life you had numerous “adventures”. From defending your parents house with your brothers & sisters from people that were really pissed off at your farther [my grandfather that I never meet]. You served as a Captain  in the US Army with tours in Korea and Vietnam. You’ve traveled all over the western United States fishing the ocean, lakes, & rivers of the areas. You’ve fathered 4 children and you are loved by many, many people.

I have a lot to thank you for, dad. First thanks for “doing” my mom and making me [ I hope it was a fun night ]. Thanks for teaching me how to drive a nail in straight, how to use power tools safely, to properly read a measuring tape and even understand blue prints. Dad, you are a highly skilled carpenter and have made a good life from your trade [you still owe PJ & MJ a toy box]. You also taught me to fish; in the ocean, on a lake and along rivers. You taught me about camping, gave me the love for travel, showed me that people of all backgrounds can be called a friend and that the world is pretty fucked up.

The biggest thing I thank you for is staying in my life after you & mom divorced when I was 5. I can’t say it was easy to always love you when I was a child. You had your fair share of dead beat dad moments. I remember spending way too many occasions sitting on mom’s porch waiting for you to show up to take me on an adventure. But for whatever reason you ended up disappointing me by not showing up or by being so late we couldn’t do anything [It sucks that it still hurts to think about those times]. But when you did show up and take me with him, it was magical.

Fast forward about 30 years; I am a father and you are a grandpa, aka Papa Kenny, you do make an effort to see your granddaughters. Although it has taken you a while to become the grandfather that I expected you to be. I am very happy that you are in the lives of my girls.

But no matter how happy I am with you, dad, there are still many things that piss me off. I can’t stand the favoritism you openly display to my older sister [which filters into her family]. I don’t appreciate your expectations that I am going to be ass up in air ready to take the “Simeon family” enema like my sister does. You should know by now, with almost 9 years of me being married, that Renae & I don’t like the large family dinners at your house.

Regardless of things I don’t like about you I really do love you, dad. I can’t deny that or try to say I don’t. I love you with all of your faults and relish your accomplishments. I am lucky to have you in my life and the lives of my girls.

Thanks for being my dad,

- Ken

Author, Kate Granju was the first person I ever heard use the term, “bubble wrapped” child.  I’m sure there are others, but she was the first to really get my attention with it.  After I laughed my ass off, I started thinking.  She’s right.  Kids today are bubble wrapped.  They are over protected, over indulged, over parented.  They are dependent, egotistical and even worse, entitled.  Yup, I said it.  I called a lot of people out, including myself and my kids.  I’d like to think I only need one roll of bubble wrap though, not 50.  But is that not enough or still too much?  Hmmmm…

See, I think the 1950′s parents had a lot in common with those of us today.  They were more concerned with appearances then anything.  Remember Donna Read and June Cleaver?  Perfect house, perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect everything. Didn’t matter what Wally or Beaver did, really.  Oh, the perfect Mom of the 50′s acted like she cared, but it was always the Daddy who took care of the difficult things [just wait until your Dad gets home].  The discipline, the talking to, the problems [especially, the spankings].  All taken care of by Dad.  June and Donna just made sure the house looked good.  They kept up appearances.  They smoked like trains and were skinny little rails.  Drank martinis all day and smiled all night [that part I like, though].  But that was their job, not parenting.

Then came the next generation.  The parents of the 70′s.  Our parents.  Boy, talk about “free range”.   It was more like, be home before dark, call me when you get home from school, just look both ways before crossing the street and run like hell.  Oh, and can you run down the corner store.  Here’s a note for my cigarette’s, bring me back the change. Nice!

Sounds bad now, doesn’t it?  What neglect!  We could’ve been killed, molested, kidnapped.  What were our parent’s thinking?  We didn’t have a cell phone in case of an emergency.  And our watch was either the street lights coming on or a very loud scream from your Mom yelling out the front door.  And if you were late, Mom smacked you around or pinched your ear as you walked in the door.  I was way more afraid of my Mom than my Dad.  I think most of us were.

Then our generation came along.  Oh, sure, times had changed.  Yes, the media started reporting all the bad things that could happen to a child and scared the hell out of everyone, but it was more than that.  Kidnapping, murder, rape and general child delinquency were hot issues across the nation, but so were designer jeans, $200 sneakers, ballet class for 18 month olds and the best yet, cell phones for Kindergartners.

In addition to commercialism, the late 90′s and 2000′s became the era of competition.  Everyone wanted to be the best.  Have the best car, own the best house, send their kid to the best school.  The “Yuppy” mentality was abound and a new breed of parent was formed.  After we wanted it all for ourselves, we decided we wanted even more for our kids.  Like the 50′s parents, it’s all about appearances.  Our kids look good, we look good.  If our kid is really smart, then we’re doing our job.  If our kid struggles, we failed.  So what do we do?  We push and we push our kids to NEVER fail.  Talk about pressure!

So here we are, today, with parents that want everything for their kids.  I admit, even I do.  I want for them, all the things I didnt’ have and all the accomplishments I didn’t complete.  But where do we draw the line?  When are our kids individuals and not puppets?  It’s been wearing on my mind for a few years now.  I’ve done small things like limit PJ to 2 activities at a time and enforce that she sell or donate old toys before she gets new ones.  We don’t really limit TV, but we limit TV with commercials.  So no Disney channel.  If the kids want to watch a movie, they can put in a DVD, use Hulu or On Demand [therefore, no commercials, no brainwashing...at least not as much or as bad as Disney channel].

Only time will tell if any of these things matter in shaping a less entitled child.  We have noticed that PJ is less afraid of making mistakes this year, but she’s still very much a perfectionist.  The balance is better than preK or Kinder though.  The more I keep my mouth shut, the better it is for my kids.  Just smile and hug.  Smile and hug.

But it even goes beyond wanting the best for your child or even wanting your child to be the BEST.  What I’ve noticed among friends, family, acquaintances, etc., is that parents today are so concerned with control [did I say control, I meant safety] and organization, they don’t even let their kids live.  Every playdate is scheduled, every activity is scheduled, kids can’t go to the park alone [so that's scheduled], they can’t walk to school alone [too dangerous], can’t play in the front yard [good God, no].  So what can they do?  When do they get to be free?  When do they get to make a mistake, so they come home late and get a pinched ear? Don’t they need that?

I started wondering about all this about 3 years ago.  I was so sick and tired of driving to playdates and activities and our neighborhood was full of helicopter parents.  Not to mention,  all the neighborhood kids had at least 3 layers of bubble wrap each.  So, we sold our city house, packed up and headed to the burbs with fingers crossed that it would be better.

We’ve gotten lucky so far and found a neighborhood where parents do allow their kids to play at friend’s houses and, God forbid, in the front yard.  All the girls ride bikes together, play hide and seek, tease the boys in the neighborhood and generally have a great time.  Oh, and get this.  PJ learned to tell time on a regular watch at age 6.  Why?  Because if she was late, it was her fault, not her friend’s Mothers.  So, tell time or be late.  Get my drift?  BTW…what’s up with kids not knowing how to tell time these days?  Anyway…

Next year, we’ll be in a new school, about 4 blocks from home and guess what, we’ll walk. Yeah, I said “we’ll”.  So I will get up, dress the baby [who will be 1 1/2 then] and walk PJ to school.  Secretly, I think a group of kids from the neighborhood should be able to walk alone [together] at this age [2nd grade].  Am I wrong?  I mean, like a little caravan.  Not alone or anything.

But even as “free range” as some of the neighborhood parenting is, I wouldn’t even bring up the suggestion.   I don’t want to get blackballed and put on the “neglectful” parent list.  At least not yet.  It might be too late already, though.  We brought beer to the neighorhood Easter Egg hunt.  Doesn’t everyone need a beer when 40 screaming kids fight for Easter Eggs?

Photo: Stephen Baccon

Protect your child. Don’t let them get hurt. Make sure you’re watching every move. These are the things that run through the minds of all parents. It’s in our nature to protect our children. But how much protecting it too much? What’s the extent you would go to protect your child from getting hurt during everyday life? Would you carry around your small child on your hip like they were a purse to make sure they stay out of trouble? Would you wrap them in bubble wrap before you send them out to play with their friends or before you head to a friend’s birthday party for their kid?

This past weekend we celebrated the 1st birthday of MJ. We also selfishly made her birthday party into a house warming party [well you know that 1st birthdays are more of a celebration for the parents making it through the first year of the baby's life]. So we had double the reasons to celebrate and invited a good amount friends & family over to the house. Everyone that can said that they had a blast. It helped so much that the weather held out to allow our guest and us to swim in the pool.

But one thing kept bugging me during the party and for sure afterwards while talking with Renae. What I couldn’t believe was the number of people completely hovered over their children. A majority of our friends that had sub 5 year olds basically had their kids tucked under mommy or daddy’s wing during the entire party. In the pool is understandable, which I would expected. But to also do it when the children were out of the pool and the pool was covered. This situation made it very hard to have any form of an adult conversation with our friends.

It felt  so weird to me cause I feel that we have a very safe back yard.  Plus, we hired a life guard to watch over the kids [& adults] while we were swimming. The cover on pool is a hard cover that can hold up to 400 pounds per square inch [there is no risk of drowning]. We have fake grass, so there will be no grass stains to scrub out later. We had toys of MJ’s & PJ’s out to make sure the range of kids had something to play with. Plus, we made sure to pick up all of Scooby’s poop [we don't want any kid mistaking a piece of dog shit for a piece of chocolate]. I thought we took all of the precautions necessary for everyone to enjoy their time at our house. But watching all of our friends with their kids seemed like there were more kids in hand then there were alcoholic drinks in hand.

Then why did our guest carry around their kids like a young child toting around a stuffed animal? They must have forgotten their rolls of bubble wrap at home that day.  I know one child was getting over a cold and the parents didn’t want their kid to touch too much, but once you bring the kid to the party you are spreading their germs from your hands. There was no point of holding the kid back from having fun at that point.

All in all I felt weirded out at my own party letting my 1 year old daughter, MJ, run around carefree & playing while some other parent were putting the full nelson to their kids. I did have to stop MJ from going to a few places where she might get a scuff or two, but you would expect that from a recovering helicopter parent.

This party taught me a few things.

1. I am becoming more and more a Free Range Parent.
2. I realized that most parents that carried around their kids did it out of an unconscious habit. As an example; I asked a number parents if their kid would play with the toys at our feet if they put the kid down. The answer was always, “Yes”. And when they put their kid down, we watched our children play out of the corner of our eyes while we talked and enjoyed a beer [it really wasn't all that hard].
3. I also noticed that parenting via bubble wrap is unrealistic & a lazy way of parenting. The children are not learning the age old teachings of Cause & Effect [which is one of the best teacher's in the universe]. If you are not letting the child experience life, you aren’t teaching the child a damn thing except that you will protect, provide,  and tell them what to do 24/7/365 until you die.

I have met so many bubble wrap children & helicopter parents, that is is pretty much the norm. What happened to the time when a parent arrived at a party and told the kids to go play and don’t break a damn thing? That’s how I was raised. I want to say that most of the 30 something parents of today were raised in the same manner. And when my mom said for me to behave at a party, I knew about the unsaid waring from her that she would kick my ass in front of everyone if I stepped out of line. I don’t think enough parents are putting that level of fear and respect into their kids these days. The kids can’t learn what happens if they step out of line or get hurt if they are attached to ma’ma or da’da’s hip.

- Ken