Parenting is Easy!

Today was a rarity.  I came down from painting and picked up the craptop to start ordering all of MJ’s birthday party stuff [yeah, very late because the party is this Saturday and it's gonna cost me $24.99 to ship it all].  Anyway, I decided to flip channels and came across Transporter 2.  Nice.  But a commercial break was on.  I’m impatient [very!] and I hate commercials [a lot].  So, I continued flipping.  Click, click, click…oh…Jon & Kate, plus 8!  Hummm…I’ve been reading so much, what the hell, why not.  [click!]

Admittedly, I am a bit curious, amidst all this controversy.  All this betrayal.  Chicks, bodyguards, money. How can you not be somewhat interested?  But then I started thinking, is it really about adultery?  How will it play out?  How will it affect he kids?  Will the show be “real”?  Mostly I wanted to see if they [meaning Jon and Kate] would be really, REAL [if you get my drift].  So, I watched, not one, but two episodes.

Mind you, we haven’t seen this show since the sextuplets were 2 or 3, so this was a definite eye opener.  Man!  the monetary transformation these folks have made is tremendous!  In simpler terms, they are rollin’ in the dough, dude!  They have a huge house now, a bus [with a driver], Jon quit his job and is home with the kids and Kate is now the breadwinner [and a big one at that].  Not to mention the babies are now 5 and aren’t looking quite so frail.  They actually look like regular ol’ kids.  I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from any other kinder kid.  In fact, they’re rather resilient and mature, so they seem to be doing quite well.

What I did notice, which was no different than what I remembered, was Kate finishing everyone’s sentence, actions, etc., and Jon standing around with his hands in his pockets.  The only difference now, seems to be the space apart they are on the couch.  It’s 9 inches as opposed to 3.

Do I think they had affairs?  I don’t know, probably.  Or came very, very close.  I think that the “new” money they have has posed more problems than they ever dreamed.  Both parents appear to be away from the kids, and each other, more often than not.  They have the money to do more extravagant outings, which don’t appear to be together.  And because of the moolah and “pseudo stardom”, they attract a certain, how shall I say, groupie.  So, yeah, it’s highly possible that one or both of them has stepped out in their marriage.

So now what?  Both of them continuously profess their love and devotion to the kids and desire to not have any of this affect them.  Wishful thinking, but whatever.  The audience will suck it up, and tune in next week.  But not to see the kids, the audience just wants to see how Jon and Kate are behaving. [as was I]  I want to see a fight…on TV.  Not avoidance.  I want drama.  Cold hard drama!  Some crying and anger.  Some realism.  This IS reality TV, right?  Now, if I get that, I might watch again.  Otherwise, no dice.

I do hope they can work it out for the kids [we always say that when couples are on the brink.  It's the PC thing to say].  Me, personally, I think they will split….eventually.  And one of these three things will happen, either they will work it into the show, make a spinoff, ["Jon & Kate, Share 8"] or they will milk this avoidance thing for a year, call it quits and split the money 50/50.  Then Kate will write another book about the split, sell 20 more million copies, do more book tours and Jon will remarry [to some coed and have 2 more kids].  Happily ever after…

The most infamous family of 10, in our current history, is on the verge of becoming one less in either direction. The parents on the TV show, Jon & Kate Plus 8 are having serious marital issues.

First off, it’s sad to hear of anyone having marital issues and heading to divorce [except for Renae's cousin who was married to a psycho ass woman]. The talk of separation and divorce is such a heart throbbing topic for me. My parents divorced when I was 5 and it still effects me today. Marriage issues are very common. Renae and I are not immune to marital issues. We’ve talked with an Marriage Family Child Councilor, MFCC, before. It helped in some ways, but overall assured us that we are normal and can work out our issues together.

But Jon & Kate were playing with fire from the beginning. What were they thinking actually considering giving  birth to 6 kids on top of the 2 they already had. I know I would be a wreck having that many kids around me 24/7/365. That decision only marked the beginning of their parenting mis-adventures.

If you watched the show from the beginning [which I didn't] or caught any show in between, you could see that they weren’t the happiest couple. The amount of stress they had from having 8 kids, was tremendous. Then, throw in a reality TV show on top of it and you’ve just quadrupled the stress. With all this stuff surrounding you 24/7, how could you be a couple that works out any issue that come along? There is no time for “them”. Out of the few shows I watched, I don’t remember Jon & Kate taking a vacation just for them [ok, maybe early on]. Now, they individually take one child all over the place, but I didn’t see them spend time with each other. That tells me they were falling apart well before any other external influences were involved.

The one notable aspect to this family rearing mis-adventure was how they were able to go form an IT Analyst salary [figure about 45k to 80K per year] to a multi-million dollar income according Six Gosselins and Associated Content. This didn’t happen over night and there was lots of planning involved from the start [someone deserves a lot of credit]. Out of it, it seems like Kate took advantage of the situation and ran with it. Jon took advantage of it by running off by himself on his own vacations and claims to have quit his job to be home with the kids due to this wife’s travel engagements. Well shit, if Renae turned around and made 4 to 10 times my salary, I would quit my damn job also, take care of the kids and become more of a Free Software advocate. Granted we only have 2, but come on, who wouldn’t leave their job in that situation?

So is it Kate’s over controlling nature, Jon’s lack of passion & get’re done nature, the fame, the chaos of a household with 8 kids or Kate’s individual fame & fortune causing the problem? I think it is all of the above. Watching the show and the bias nature of the editors, it showed me that they were not in sync as a couple & parents. It always looks like they were headed down two separate paths.

From my experience, if a parenting body is not working together then they are going to fail as parents and possibly as a couple. Neither failure is apparent from the get go, but there are signs along the way.  You have to choose to recognize the signs and make the proper adjustments that will satisfy your desires. It all comes down to the desires of the individual. That individual has to choose, for themselves, to be a “We” or they will be an “I” with a bunch of baggage [as in Jon & Kate's situation].

- Ken

Being a parent is one of the coolest jobs in the world. It is also the hardest. The hardest part is that you have to versed in many professions. You have to be a nurse, a chef, a handyman, a teddy bear, a psychologist, a scientist, a historian, a philosopher, a drill Sargent, a judge, a juror, a taxi driver, and much much more.

Here is my simple list of why parenting is so great:

1.Hugs & Kisses -

Being a father to 2 girls opens the door to so much love and affection. There is always hugging, kissing and long soft embraces. It just warms my heart to have my girls run or stumble towards me when I get home from work and practically knock me to the ground with their strong hugs. It usually turns into a quick wrestling match where I always end up losing.

2. Toys Toys TOYS!!!! -

Oh man,! I love the toys I get to play with. I have been very lucky with PJ and the toys she likes to play with. She loves Lego’s, Lincoln Logs, Star Wars, video games and tons of other “boy” toys. One of my greatest memories so far has been when I gave my childhood mega box of Legos to PJ and she completely love it. We dumped all the pieces out and played for hours [or until I finished about 2 beers and my back was killing me]. But, you knew there had to be a but coming, my oldest still likes to have her “girl” toys. I have been Barbie’s BFF, a stuffed animal play friend and invited to more tea parties than I can remember. With MJ being so young, almost 1, I expect and look forward to playing a lot of the same games. But I am also preparing myself for a level of disappointment since MJ will have a big sister to play with. I have a feeling I am going to be left out in the cold and not invited to play with them.

3. Re-living & re-calling your childhood memories -

Growing up in the late 70′s and 80′s was so much fun [yes I am dating myself *sigh*]. There were all the adventures experienced with your friends, because your parents told you to get out of the house. They weren’t hovering over you like a helicopter watching every move. You were told to be  home when the street lights came on and to stay out of trouble [if I remember right, my definition of trouble was different then my moms].

Now for the NOT so great reasons to be a parent:

1. No time -

Here some people might say that they don’t have time for themselves. And that is true when you are a parent. But for me, I don’t  have enough time in the day to enjoy my girls. After getting home from work I get about an hour with MJ which includes a small amount of play, sometimes feeding her, her evening bath, a book and then she is off to bed. During some of this hour I am trying to squeeze in some conversation with PJ while she is either eating dinner [no Renae & I  don't eat dinner with our kids, we will talk about this topic another time], finishing her homework or watching a movie. By the time MJ is in bed, PJ is about 20 to 30 minutes from heading to bed herself. I try to squeeze some solo time in for PJ then, but that list of honey-dos is staring at me asking me when they get my attention.  It’s amazing how much I do squeeze in with my girl after getting home no later then 6:15 every night. But it’s far from enough. Thank goodness for the weekends. But then that goes into another area where there is not enough time for the kids, the house to-do list, the lawn and my wife.

2. Sub 18 months -

Yes . . . sub 18 months. It is a hard, hard, hard time to be a parent with a child under 18 months . I remember most of this time period with PJ not being all that bad. But I am surely getting the swift kick in the balls memory reminder from MJ about how hard it is with a baby that can’t talk, but walks and is starting to learn that mom & dad have tolerance thresholds that can easily be reached and exceeded. I know I figured it would be easier to have a second child. Shit I know all there was to know about raising a baby. I already passed that test. What I didn’t realize is that the test changes with every child. The number of years between children doesn’t matter. The test given by each child is a challenge. The factor that adds to the difficulty is your age. If you are too young, you have no patience. If you are a bit older [cough mid 30s], you have used up all of your patience with child #1.

3. Early Mornings -

When you have kids that are sub a decade [10 years old FTW], they are still very much in tune with the rising and setting of the sun. When you are the parent that is able to get up early in the morning and be functional on no matter how much sleep you got, then you are screwed for years to come. There will be rare days of sleeping in past 7:30 am. For me Father’s day is my one sleep in day. I love that day. I long for more Father’s days. But I don’t see our government adding additional father’s days just for me. So it looks like I have about 9 years to wait until I am able to truly sleep in.

Thanks for reading,

- Ken

If you had asked me 12 years ago, if I would ever marry, I’d have said, “hell no!” But now look, I’ve been married 8 1/2 years to the handsome and wonderful man sitting and writing next to me. And if you’d asked me 12 years ago if I’d ever have children, I’d have said, “hell fucking NO!”  Being too self absorbed and completely enthralled in a stressful career, there wasn’t room for Motherhood.  And truthfully, I didn’t think I’d be much of one anyway.

And here I sit, writing and smiling because I now have two beautiful, smart, loving and charming little girls asleep upstairs.  I have a wonderful life and house, in the burbs of all places.  And I’m happy.  Really happy.

But it’s not all roses. In fact, it’s not even carnations 50% of the time. Oh, there are plenty of rose moments [they keep you going], but a lot of the day is filled with dandelions and tulips.  Now hang on to your panties, because I’m not complaining.  I know I have it good.  But, in keeping with the honest nature of this blog and my life, I want to share with you the true ups [roses] and downs [dandelions] of being a Mom.  At least for me.

Being a Mom is roses, because:

1. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that compares to the first wiggle, the first twinge of your unborn baby in your belly. It’s the thing that I never thought about before becoming pregnant. Never much cared when other people talked about it. Never ran around wanting to “feel” other women’s bellies, etc. But when I first felt that twinge in my own belly, I knew it was real. I knew I was growing a baby in there and somehow my heart grew every time my belly did. So number one for me, being a Mom made my heart bigger!

2. Laughter, laughter, laughter! I know I laughed before, but never like I do now. My laughter has so much more meaning. It’s a prideful laughter. If that makes sense. Because the funny’s are honest. You see, kids don’t rehearse much, so what you see is what you get. Nothing is better than good, honest, laughter.

3. Watching my girls grow to be loving, smart and strong young ladies is wonderful! I love knowing that all the hugs, kisses, library visits, museums, games of soccer, long talks at bedtime and chats while on our walks, all play a huge part in the upbringing of two human beings. It’s probably the most scary part of being a Mom, but the most rewarding. I know, I know…I have a lot more “upbringing” to go, but it’s still fabulous. I feel so validated [most of the time].

Being a Mom is dandelions, because:

1. I could say the standard, “I never get to sleep in anymore.” But really, I have a great hubby [and baby daddy] and I do get to sleep in and he even makes my coffee in the morning. So I won’t list this. But what I will list as my number 1, I have no more “me” time. I mean, I’ve never been on vacation without my kids, EVER! No business trips, no weekenders, no nothing [I get to shit alone, but that don't count]. So, no matter what, my Mom radar is on, ALL THE FRIGGIN’ TIME! So, yeah, I miss the days when I was just “Renae” and not “Mom”.

2. I love being a “Mom”, but hate being a “Mother”. See, Mothers are the hard asses. Mothers lay down the law. Mothers make tears and little children do things they don’t want to do [and grown men too]. Plus, being a boss, all day, every day, really kinda sucks! Sometimes I wish I was just a Product Manager again. Even though it’s not 9-5, at least I’d get stock options.

3. I like to listen to my music loud! Real loud [and yes, I'm half deaf in my left ear]. But since having kids, I resort to weekend errands to Walmart, ALONE.  I run errands, just so I can blare my music as loud as I want to. And I can listen to Sublime and any other “R” rated band I want to. So for 5 miles, roundtrip, I get to be a radio rebel and it feels good. But even as a music blaring rebel, I usually turn down the radio as I round the corner to our house and definitely before I push the garage door opener.  And as the garage door slowly slides up and the radio goes back to low, I climb out of the car and smile.  Even though my 5 miles of rebellion are over, I’m happy to be home.

~ Renae [Mom]