Parenting is Easy!

It’s that time of year, folks.  Summer is almost here!   Visits to Grandma and Grandpas, Disneyland and if you’re particularly adventurous, Europe.  Good hell, I got scared even typing the word and so far, my kids are pretty darned good while traveling.  Well, let me clarify, my oldest is good.  The baby is still an unknown.  She was great as a 3 month old, but now that she’s learning to walk and talk, it’s a whole new world.  She has opinions.  A lot of opinions.

Anyway, here are some tips that I’d recommend when traveling with your kids this summer.  They worked great for our oldest and I sure as hell hope they work for our youngest (so far, my hopes are dwindling, but I’m an optimist).

1.  First and foremost, do NOT, under any circumstance, travel with the Escalade Stroller.  Just settle for the Yugo.  More compact, easier to check and less heavy to push, because you’ll end up carrying your little one anyway (trust me).

2.  All the rules have changed, so read up on what is allowed and what is not!  Depending on your kids age, you may be denied the simplest things, like a snack bag filled with chewy candy (for the ears on take off).  Babies seem to get away with quite a bit, but don’t be too sure.  Check first!  Nothing sucks worse than a crying baby with no water to add to that powder crap.  It’s like having cake mix with no water or oven.  What’s the point!

3.  If your kid is older than 1, pack a “special” travel bag with cool things the kid has never seen.  I like crafty stuff and things that take time, but aren’t messy.  Anything new works, really.  Just don’t be lame and pack their same old toys.  You WILL pay for it later.  You need NEW things.  Not expensive, just NEW.  Big difference.

4.  I know this one is weird, but it works.  Put your kids in pajamas.  Not if they’re 10, but if they are 1, 2 or even 7, if it’s a night flight, put them in pajamas.  I don’t know why, but they sleep better.

5.  DO NOT take a redeye if you have a kid that loves to watch movies and doesn’t normally fall asleep during a movie.  We all know these kids (I have one).  All the other kids are zonked out, but that kid will watch the credits, left out scenes, director’s commentary, etc.  Well, if that’s your kid and you’re on a redeye, be prepared to be up all night.

6.  Of course, be prepared, DUH!  Extra clothes, wipes, blah, blah, blah.  But really, have a credit card, because if things go bad, they usually go really bad.  And, it’s usually just as you’re about to board.  Suddenly, you realize, “shit, I forgot diapers!”  And there you go, $40 bucks for 10 diapers.

7.  #6 is getting worse now that we’re forced to condense so much of our crap.  With only one bag per person to be carried on and most airlines charging for a checked bag, we are all packing much differently.  And with kids, it’s super hard to decide what you want, need & must have.  My suggestion, each kid should have their own bag to carry (assuming they walk) and get backpacks with wheels.  They love it and it helps!  Plus, it keeps ‘em movin’.  They have their stuff, you have yours.

8.  I’ve been talking mostly about planes, but cars can be tricky!  First thing, ask yourself, “How does my kid do on short trips, like 2 hours?”  Do they get sick, ever!?!  Because if they have ever felt a little queasy, chances are, they will be barfing all over your backseat, themselves and their siblings.  So, think long and hard on car travel if you have carsick prone little ones.

9.  You decide to take the car anyway.  Cool!  Break up the trip.  Now, I’m not a believer in stopping every 2 hours.  Good hell!  It will take forever to get to your destination.  But, maybe 14 hours straight is too much for a 3 year old.  Consider stops along the way that are fun.  Even if it’s a cheezy hotel.  Most kids love taking a huge bubble bath, once in a while!

10.  OK.  My last tip and probably the most important!  Sleep.  Not for you, but your kids.  Once you arrive at your destination, your kids need rest.  I don’t care where you are or what you have to do, make sure your kids get some shut eye.  I warn you…..if you neglect this tip, your kids will become holy terrors and your trip and all the agony you went through to get there, will have been for nothing.  A well rested child is a happy and healthy child.  Now is not the time to Ferberize or potty train or take away the bottle or any of that.  If they need a hug, want to sleep with Mommy or Daddy or an extra book read to them, you better do it.  You will be thankful in the morning AND your memories will be much, much brighter!

~ Renae

Travel . . . that word can strike fear in the the hearts of most parents. The word is so simple, but the emotions & efforts needed to be ready to enjoy the travel can be daunting. There is so much to consider. There is so much to pack. There is just so so much to do. For Renae and I, it felt easy to be ready to travel any where when we only had PJ. Now that we have 2 kids, the effort of doing any type of traveling has become like juggling fire. When you have two children that have completely different needs like ours, you are never sure which kid is going to give you 2nd degree burns across your body.

Here is my insight into how Renae and I handle our trip planning and preparation . . . I leave it all to Renae.

OK ok ok. Not all of it is on Renae, but a good majority of the trip planning usually falls on her shoulders [I am very thankful of all that she does. She has planned some wonderful trips for us]. So lets talk about what we do to be ready to truly enjoy the traveling experience with our girls.

1. Pick a destination that is truly kid/family friendly.

If you think Vegas, and the grandparents don’t live there, you are just kidding yourself. Consider places that have multiple outdoor options; i.e. beaches, zoos, city tours, mountains or boating. Your destination will very depending on the age of your kids. But you can never go wrong with Hawaii [just the fight is hella long].

2. Have something “NEW” for your kid(s) to do while traveling to your destination.

For PJ, and soon for MJ, we would buy her something like a new “small” toy set, a new coloring book, a simple small craft project from Michael’s or sometimes a new DVD movie. This concept hasn’t changed and it is almost expected now. I would say don’t go too extravagant with the purchasing of entertainment for your child(ren). Remember you are going on vacation and you will be spending a good amount of money already. But, makes sure you buy enough to travel in both directions or expect to buy other items for the trip back home.

3. Don’t count on your child to sleep during a Red Eye flight.

When you are traveling a long distance you might think of taking a Red Eye flight so you & the kids can sleep. From my experience with PJ while she was a baby, there is no guarantee that your child will be able to sleep on the plane. If you do take a red eye, try to start the flight around the time your child would normally go to bed. This way they are not too over tired and they will be more willing to sleep. Also, if your child is a good night time sleeper, don’t have him/her miss a nap believing that the more tired they are the better the child(ren) will sleep on the plane.

4. Give your kids a sense of responsibility about the trip.

While traveling, it is a good idea for each kid to have their own carry on luggage [that is if they are walking & talking]. When a child is young they are more eager to please you. So give them a big kid task of being responsible for their own bag [make sure it appropriate for their size and has wheels for pulling behind them as they walk]. They will enjoy the trip more if they have their “own” bag to get in and out of during a plane flight.

5. Remember that traveling is about FUN.

Traveling in general can be stressful. When you add kids that stress level can rise. If it does get to you, don’t push that stress onto your kid(s) [save it for your spouse or the elliptical]. Do the stressful things like packing while the kid(s) are in bed. They don’t need to see mom & dad running all over the house looking for every lil small thing needed. One thing we like to do before we pack all of the clothes is to help our child(ren) pack their carry-on bag(s). That way they know they are ready and so do we [nothing worse than finding out on the plane that we forgot a favorite stuffed animal].

6. Come home to a clean house

A big item Renae tries to do is clean the house before we leave on vacation. She very much prefers to come home to a clean house [I like it too]. It makes life easier during that week after returning from vacation.

Well, that is my quick list of travel tips that Renae & I try to follow. It is not for eveyone, but it has worked for us with PJ and will be tried with MJ as she grows.

- Ken

I quizzed and I probed, but PJ is adament that she loves Mrs. D.  She loves the singing, the excitement, the general feeling of her class.  So, by default, I should love Mrs. D., right?  Well…not so fast.

Here’s the deal.  Mrs. D comments way too much about what a perfectionist PJ is.  I don’t get it.  Be thankful, teacher woman, my kid gives you no hassle (ever), does her work, minds her business…so, if she gets pissy cuz something she worked on isn’t perfect, leave her be. (I know, I’m being a helicopter again)

So last night we went to Open House at PJ’s school.  You know, go see the room, all the stuff they did, talk with the teacher, and mainly, pick up all their “work”.  Pretty much it’s spring cleaning for the classroom, right?  Anyway, as soon as I kneel down to take a look at PJ’s work, Mrs. D says, “OH, you might want to take a seat!  I’m SURE you’ll have to see EVERYTHING.  We know how PJ is…”  I’m thinking to myself, well, doesn’t everyone come here to see EVERYTHING?  Then, as PJ walks off to show Daddy something on the wall, Mrs. D walks up and continues on this “perfectionist” thing.  Telling me that she worries about PJ always wanting things to be done right and getting upset if she doesn’t know the right answer, etc.  So I said, “Yeah, she does that, but if you leave her be, she figures it out and it’s not a big deal.”  Mrs. D then tells me, “My son was just like that.  They don’t know how to deal with failure, then all of a sudden, it’s a crisis.”  First of all, PJ is not her son and I don’t know what issues he or she has, but it bugs me when teachers compare your kid to their kid.  BTW, this is about the 20th time she’s done this.  It happens about every other week when I speak with her briefly about how things went that week or day.  It’s always, “PJ is such a joy.  She’s just such a perfectionist.  I worry about her.”  Is she worrying about PJ or her son?  I’m confused.

Anyway, there isn’t much I think we could do to change PJ’s desire to be perfect.  She loves the book, Anthony, the Perfect Monster and she knows it’s ok to not do everything right all the time.  And she knows we love her no matter what and that “NOBODY’S perfect”, including Mom and Dad.  But, somewhere, deep, deep inside, there’s that competitive nature and perfectionism, built right in to her.  I can’t change her AND, truthfully, I really don’t want to!

I’ll admit it.  I do want her to be “the best” sometimes.  If you’re a parent, you know what I mean. It feels good, to have the “top” kid at soccer or ballet or school.  Because we all know, they aren’t the best at EVERYTHING.  So when they excel at something, we LOVE it!  It makes us proud.  That’s the cool part of being a parent.  You get to be proud and smile and cheer for your kid and not give a rats ass what other people think.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not just about winning or being the best ALL the time.  Our house rule is simple: “I don’t care if  you’re perfect, the Best, whatever, but you give me 110% in whatever you do and I’ll  be happy.  Because quitters never win.”  I’m just saying, effort is everything, right?  However, I’m wondering if this perfectionist thing is bigger than I suspected, because two days ago, PJ turned to me and said, “I gave 200%, Mom!” and smiled from ear to ear!  I wonder if I said, “ok, give 200%”, if she would say, “I gave 300%.”  Somethin’ tells me, “ahhhh, ya!!!”

So, I’m raising a perfectionist.  Life could be worse…

OH…And BTW, Mrs. D doesn’t suck.  You might not be able to tell, but I do like her.  And, I think she’s done a great job with PJ.

- Renae

Yesterday was open house at PJ’s elementary school. The open house was great over all. I loved being able to see where PJ spends her day [I usually only see her school from the outside gate when I drop her off].  It was fun to have PJ tell me, Renae & MJ about all of the great [fun] projects she did as a first grader.

I wont say this too loud, but I did notice that some of the presented dioramas looked like they had a little more help from a parent then they should have. But maybe the kid really got into it and rocked the house. I am not judging, I’m just being observant [man I just sounded like Renae].

First grade has been good for PJ. She has lots of friends. She loves her teacher, Mrs. D. She has her very own gang . . . well it s a “Bug Club” . . . they collect Rollie-Polies during lunch [I get to see her collection almost every evening]. This week their turf got jacked by a rival “Bug Club”. PJ was pretty pissed. I am surprised there wasn’t a “run by” name calling or something worse.

Back to the topic at hand. . . after moving to the burbs from the city,  I have to say, I expected more from her school and teacher. When we were in San Diego Unified School District the teaching motto was to teach at the grade ahead. That meant a kindergartener was learning material that a nationally average 1st grader would learn. With that form of teaching and PJ’s high reading level she hit the burbs of San Diego well beyond what the other kids in her 1st grade class were doing in both reading & comprehension and in math [PJ is a very smart child. I am not claiming she is a genius. I am saying that she is a very intelligent child that loves to learn].

So, knowing that my kid’s intelligent and her teacher finally figured it out for herself with her 30 plus years of experience behind her [she didn't believe a damn word that came out of the mouth of Renae or myself about where PJ was scholastically], why the hell does PJ’s teacher feel the need to verbally chop down PJ in front of us? Whenever PJ or Renae mentions that something was easy, Mrs D. has to point out that PJ had struggles with one small part. Mrs D. also likes to point out that PJ is a perfectionist. And is there something wrong with that? I know I want to be as perfect as I can be. I don’t expect any less of my girls [you listening MJ?]. Then why why why Mrs D.? Why do you do this and piss me off so damn much. Every other word out of your god damn trap is knocking PJ down to the level of the other kids.

Is Mrs D. trying to make sure PJ doesn’t act cocky about her knowledge and the loads of extra work she is doing? If she really knew PJ, she would know that she’s no where close to being cocky. Now I can’t say that all of the things Mrs D. has done are bad. Some how PJ loves the shit out of this woman. Renae feels there is a level of jealousy in Mrs D., because Mrs D. has a high achieving child as well. It could be that, but man, I am stumped.

Unfortunately it is too late in the year to bring up the issue. How should we approch this issue if we have it happen again with a different teacher? Next year PJ will be attending a new school for 2nd grade. One closer to our house. Lets hope the teacher she gets in 2nd grade, will push her in a good way, without acting like a lumber jack ready to knock down the prime trees in the forest.

- Ken